Even if it’s not your passion, it won’t kill you to learn something new. Now she’ll know that you did extra work so you would have a better context for her love of vintage camera-collecting. If you know what she likes, consider learning a little more about it ahead of time and hint that you did so. When she answers, ask follow-up questions that indicate your intent listening and the fact that you have a base line IQ that enables you to respond in an intelligent manner. Victorians used to call it a love token, lesbians should call it flowers, wine or something you saw that made you think of her. Are you creative enough to do some Googling to find an interesting restaurant followed by an out-of-the-box activity? I know it’s easy to say “let’s get a drink after dinner,” because there are a million bars and nothing creates fake intimacy like booze, but try to think of something else. Think of your date as your canvas it’s going to say a lot about you. DO put some creativity and thought into the date This means, as part of your preparation for the date, you may want to read a book, the newspaper, or cultivate a hobby. Ideally something that doesn’t pertain to being a lesbian, girl parties, the people you know in common or your ex girlfriend. Preferably an activity that is reflective of something most people enjoy (i.e good food) or something that they have mentioned enjoying in conversation. Ask them to do a specific activity at a specific time and place. Don’t allude to some hypothetical situation in which you could share airspace with them. Pre-Date: DO ask her out directlyĭon’t say “we should hang out.” If you want to ask someone out, ask them out. I’m going to skip over the obvious stuff, such as showering beforehand and not texting during the meal (although with some dates I’ve been on, these things weren’t as apparent as one might think/hope). Now that we’ve pinpointed some of the biggest lesbian dating DON’Ts, let’s talk about the DO’s. Putting someone in a potentially socially awkward situation from the get-go is zero sexy. I know it’s hard, but resist the urge to merge for at least a month. Your date does not need to meet your ex, or all your friends, the first few times you go out. There are oh so many ways that lesbians can have bad boundaries, but right here I want to focus on one: DO NOT bring a date to a girl bar or a girl party. Lay down the cash where it matters most: pay for her cab home (in the morning), bring a great bottle of wine, or buy her a small gift. After all, a picnic in the park can be even sexier than maxing out your credit card at Momofuku. And while there are certain women who’ll need to change panties when you pay for the $300 dinner, for most women it’s the thought that counts. DON’T be cheapīecause you’re a lesbian, there’s an automatic assumption that you’re cheap. Nothing puts a girl’s libido on pause like an overshare. Don’t tell them some long, awkward story about how your ex was emotionally constipated and couldn’t say “I love you.” Save that shit for your therapist or your bartender. If you want someone who can articulate their feelings like a big girl, just tell your date that. DON’T Overshareįor the love of getting laid, stop telling dates about your exes! In particular, don’t use your exes as some kind of weird parable for what you actually want from someone. The revolution won’t come overnight, so let’s start small with some of the main DOs and DONTs. If we could just collectively raise the bar a little and invest as much in the art of dating as we do in the art of Facebooking, maybe lesbian courtship could be a brave new world. The thing is, it doesn’t have to be this way. Like the time a girl’s ex showed up and wanted career advice, or when you realized the girl you were dating was emotionally unavailable because she was having an affair with her married friend. I think we all have our own lesbian dating horror stories that we like to tell our friends as a warning of things to come. Maybe you’re thinking, “But wait! Who could be better at seduction than a woman? Women are basically the main reason that date night and Valentine’s Day were invented in the first place!” Well as it turns out, apparently everyone is better than lesbians. You might imagine that dating a new woman will be a lot like starring in your very own girl-on-girl romantic comedy: you’ll be asked out in some quirky yet perfect way, your date will clearly express interest in you and be a master of seduction, and when you finally have sex, it will be like the 4th of July in your pants and Christmas in your heart (or Hanukkah, whatevs). The Autostraddle Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema.LGBTQ Television Guide: What To Watch Now.
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